It's that time of year, where I look around my life and swear to everybody's god that I'm going to make some changes.
#1 Mondays: Weights and Measures. Every Monday morning, I weigh myself, check my body fat percentage, and measure my waist, hips, thighs. I also check my blood pressure. These numbers are used as a way to determine how much self-loathing I am expected to inflict throughout the day.
Yeah, like Mondays didn't suck enough already?
All this documentation of my superfluous adipose tissue has given me volumes with which to compare myself now to where I was a year ago, two years ago, even five years ago. I started this process weighing in at a whopping 220 lbs (and yes, "whopping" must always precede the 220, in this case), and I have to admit the picture is looking brighter each year.
So I resolve to continue this degrading practice until I reach my goal weight of 125 lbs.
#2 Tuesdays: During the winter, I will have the house mostly to myself on Tuesdays, because it is Homeschooler Ski day. I would not attend Ski Days unless I could stay in the lodge, drinking hot cocoa fortified with vodka. So I will instead use this day to thoroughly clean my kitchen and prepare a real meal, one that actually resembles food, as opposed to crawling back into my heated bed and sinking into a book coma.
If I get invited to the movies (Discount Tuesdays!), I will at least wipe down the counters and sweep the floor, before marking my place and heading out!
#3 Wednesdays: At any given point, our bathroom looks like it is maintained by a cleaning service composed of 8 yr old boys. This is probably because it is Harrison's job to clean the bathroom. I can walk in at any time and find no toilet paper, no soap, no hand towel, not to mention the last two kids' worth of dirty clothes on the bathroom floor, being used as a make-shift bath mat. Hey, at least they stopped wiping their asses on the shower curtain!
So this year, I resolve to check the bathroom whenever someone calls to say they are coming over. All deals are off, however, for the dreaded pop-in.
#4 Thursdays: LOL. Thursday is when our homeschooling co-op, Learning Out Loud meets for lots of... uh... loud learning. The first Thursday of each month is Pizza Day, where we order pizza and make a salad. The other days are potluck. Most of those Potluck Thursdays, I'm up at 9am after four hours of sleep, shouting for the children to get up and get themselves ready. In my towel, I'm frantically flinging the pantry doors open, searching for something- anything- that could make a decent potluck dish. On any given Thursday, my pantry is a mish-mash of ingredients that never seem to go together. For example, I'll have a 5lb can of tuna, and a 2lb can of tomato soup.... or a family size can of cream of mushroom soup, and four jars of dill relish... a bag of egg noodles and a box of fish sticks... Rice Chex, and chili beans. Often, I end up making something new and inventive, something along the lines of Lime Curd Fettuccine casserole. With tater tots on top.
Kids will eat anything with tater tots on top.
So I resolve to plan ahead and put my new crockpot (with the locking lid!) to good use and bring real actual food to Potluck Thursdays: Chicken Stew, Chili and Cornbread, Italian Meatballs and other easily-recognizable dishes.
#5 Fridays: Fridays used to be my day off. No running on that day, just stay home and catch up on the laundry and gear-up for the weekend. Now Fridays are often my most busy days, because the kids put everything on Friday, since they know I have 'nothing' planned on that day. Parties, movies with friends, playdates, babysitting jobs, I run all over the state getting them to their activities on my 'free' day. I fill my gas tank two and three times a week!
So I resolve this year to gas up at the cheapest places possible and to always use my grocery reward points toward gas.
#6 Saturdays: Each week Ron makes a list as long as my leg of all the projects he wants to complete on Saturday. In order to accomplish all these things, he would have to get up at 4am, work for 86 hours straight, not stopping even once to eat or pee.
I've always imagined Saturdays as a day for sleeping in and staying in bed as long as possible. A coffee pot on my nightstand set to start brewing at noon would be a good thing. Breakfast in bed would be heaven.
I always try to convince Ron to give me one more hour of cuddle time, but he feels guilty staying in bed past 7am on a Saturday, "I'm burning daylight lying here with you!".
So this year I resolve to let go of my snuggling-til-noon Saturday fantasy, and let him get out there and be productive. I can still set a coffee pot up on the nightstand, for myself.
#7 Sundays: Sunday is the day I sit down with the calender and write in all the appointments for chiropractors, orthodontists, physical therapy, board meetings, parent meetings, planning meetings, and 4-H meetings. Sunday is also a big shopping day. All the groceries we've depleted need to be replenished, along with items needed for homeschooling, as well as cleaning supplies, and the other random stuff (tampons, index cards, Newman O's) the family texts me to bring home. One or more children are at friends' houses on this day and will need rides home before 9pm. This puts me home at 10pm or later (much later). By then, Ron is in bed because he has to get up early for work. He complains that he doesn't get to see much of me at all!
So this year I resolve to watch movies on my laptop (with headphones on, of course!) in bed at 10pm, so I can pretend to spend that time with Ron, and he doesn't feel so neglected.
#8 Just for today, I will stop sending a facebook message, a text, and a chat invite to the friend I am on the phone with.
#9 Just for today, I will take time to make a difference in the life of a poor, neglected child. I'll start with my own!
#10 Just for today, I will not sit at the kitchen table all day in my Mr Potato Head pants, on the internet. Instead, I will have the foresight to move the computer into my bedroom the night before.
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