Nailed It!

It started with vanilla creme-filled cupcakes with rootbeer flavored icing. Rootbeer Float cupcakes! It sounded like a good idea. 
No? 
Okay, it sounded like an unusual idea. I made them. They looked great.
 

I tried one. They were horrible. Way too sweet and rootbeery. 
I switched gears. Spice cake cupcakes, with vanilla creme filling, and cream cheese frosting. I even got out my cute cupcake wrappers by Paula Deen that say "A Balanced Diet is One Cupcake in Each Hand".
If one followed the recipe, they were supposed to look like this:

Three Easy Steps to "Yum!"

Halfway into the baking time, everything went South (I blame the Paula Deen cupcake wrappers).

May Day!! May Day!!

All the smoke alarms were all going off (if one goes off, they all go off, because they are hardwired that way) and "someone" *coughMrHofercough* thought he was helping me save on heating this winter by closing the storm window in the kitchen and I'm too short to raise it til it clicks, so it slammed back down on my finger and I had to go get the step stool to *open a fucking window*, and the alarms are still going off and the dogs are barking, and all the filling leaked out onto the oven floor and was just burning like crazy, and it also leaked down between the paper and the pan and burnt on there, so I couldn't even get them out of the pan!!!

Nailed it!

I was so mad! This pan is part of a cupcake transportation system; a special lid locks onto it that allows one to carry the cupcakes safely to their destination. How can I show up with these?! 

"Fuck you, Paula Deen! Fuck you!" (I know this is not Paula Deen's fault. I didn't say it was her fault; I said I was going to blame her.)

After cooling for a minute (me and the cupcakes), I discovered that shit peeled right off.

And it was delicious!

I decided to try again. I pried these cupcakes out the pan, and grabbed more cupcake wrappers. Actual Wilton wrappers, this time. I'm done fooling around!

You can tell shit just got real- I'm wearing my old, stained "I childproofed my house, but they still get in" apron.

I am a domestic goddess- I can do this. They are only cupcakes. Cupcakes cannot break me. My son will turn 13 today and by god, there will be cupcakes!

These are from an old family recipe- "Spice Cake with Seagull Poop Exploding Forth".

I can't. I need to be there in an hour and I haven't the faintest clue what to do, here. Frost them with cream cheese frosting, act like everything is normal, and then laugh hysterically when people try to eat them?
People will simply have a choice between Astoundingly Foul Rootbeer Cupcakes, Mangled Spice Cake Cupcakes, and Exploding Bird-Poo Cupcakes.

Nailed It!