Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Schnoz Full of Grey Water- Not a Fan

The kids' bathrooms are upstairs, above my bathroom. This means that each time they forget to put the shower curtain inside the tub while they shower (an honest mistake), or plug up the sink with toilet paper and leave the water running full blast and flood the house (I'm not naming names, here, but the resulting body of water was called Lake Tessa), my bathroom gets the worst of it. With their brown water stains, my ceiling tiles look like those of an inner-city crack house. I plan to replace them all, once the kids are grown. By then,  Lowe's will have had plenty of time to discontinue this particular style, and I'll have to completely redo the ceiling.
For the last month, I've noticed a new water mark on one of the tiles over the tub. Each day, it got bigger, from some leak upstairs. I asked various kids to check that there wasn't water pooling on the floor from their bathroom, but no one could find the source. It had to be from a pipe. A couple days ago, I took a picture of the wet ceiling tile and sent it to Ron.
This morning, I heard someone get in the shower upstairs and within a minute I heard the "plit-plit-plit" of water dripping onto my bathroom floor. I bolted from my bed and saw the same ceiling tile, soggy and bowed from water, dripping. I climbed up onto the edge of the tub to take a peek above the tile. I carefully lifted the edge of the tile from the metal track and lowered it about an inch. I was not prepared at all for the deluge that immediately struck my face. Between the ceiling and floor above, Ron had stapled plastic sheeting, to catch the occasional drips. This plastic had been slowly filling up, and the dampness on the ceiling tiles was merely the overflow. When I dropped the tile down, all this "grey water" rushed to the (now) free edge of the plastic, a direct hit to the face- it drained into my mouth, up my nose, into my eyes, and I fell backward off the tub and cracked my head. All I could do was lie there and watch as gallons of murky water poured from the plastic sheet funnel all over my bathroom. Some of it landed in the tub, but the majority hit the edge of the tub and splattered in every direction. And, since whomever had gotten into the shower moments earlier was still showering, the water just kept raining down.
I got up, peeled my clothes off, grabbed extra towels and threw them on the worst of it.
I sent a text to my daughter (I realize now not the most effective way of communicating with a showering person) that her shower was officially broken, and not to use it anymore.
I posted on my facebook wall, "(My daughter's) super 'neti pot' treatment has made me forget all about my cold!". My daughter's friend responded, "Use distilled water or you could get a brain eating amoeba up tharrrr, but that's probably not likely."

Thursday, September 13, 2012

People of Walmart

I was at Walmart late one night, and there was this bus of  Zombie Gypsies Ludar Americans parked there. You really do see the strangest people at Walmart!

Damn Mind Vacancy

We belong to a homeschooling co-op, and parents are often asked to teach anything they feel qualified and comfortable teaching. We are an interest-based group, so we ask the kids what they want to learn, and try to match that subject up with a person willing to be the instructor.
My kids had asked for some time to have a Driver's Ed class, not with actual driving, but to learn the rules of the road. I volunteered to teach this class because a) it was my kid asking for it, and b) as a driver myself, I felt qualified to teach it.
I went to the DMV to get enough books for the students to each have one (no more than 10). The gentleman working there told me I couldn't take that many. I asked him where I could order the books in bulk. He said I couldn't, and to have all my students find the book in its online version, instead. I imagined all the kids on their laptops, connected to the internet during class, reading the driver's ed workbook via facebook. I thanked him, and took the one book I was allowed to have.
The next day, I returned, and took another book.
I figured since the class didn't begin until October, I could keep this up, and eventually have enough books for everyone.
Today I took my daughter Arden to take her permit test. They gave her a lengthy form to fill out while we waited. I told her she should go grab a few of the driver's ed books, to have a firm surface to write on. I sweetened the deal by telling her if she'd go grab the books, I'd fill out the form for her.
She handed me the form and the pen, I got to work filling it out while she sauntered over to the counter and grabbed the books for me.
"Do you owe child support?", "Are you wanted in this or any other state?", "Do you want to register to vote?", no... no... no... and finally  "Do you wish to be an organ donor?" YES!
The form completed, the books acquired, I had Arden sign at the bottom and go take the test.
She passed!
She was sent to wait in another section, where she (like so many before her) had an epiphany about the DMV. I received the following text, while she languished, "Honestly, the DMV wouldn't take so long if they had more people working."
Finally, they called her name, took her picture, sent her away to wait some more, called her back up with her permit.
She was looking at it and I pointed to the organ donor symbol. "Look! You're even an organ donor!"
"WHAT?! Why would they DO that? They can't just put that on there!"
"I did it. I checked that box on the form."
"I stole for you, even as you try to harvest my organs!?!"