My kids sit at the kitchen table and tell "yo momma" jokes, even though they have the same mother, and I'm sitting right there! They comb insulting websites for new ones, and always manage to crack me up:
yo momma so fat she rolled off both sides of the bed
yo momma so dumb she tried to put m&m's in alphabetical order
yo momma so fat every time she talks to herself it's a long distance call
yo momma so fat she downloaded cheats for the wii fit
yo momma so fat she left the house in high heels and came back in flip flops
yo momma soooooo fat, she puts mayo on her Tylenol
yo momma so fat the horse on her polo shirt is real
yo momma so fat when she steps on the scale it says "to be continued"
yo momma so fat she sells shade in the summer
yo momma so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on her good side
yo momma so fat when she ran away they used all four sides of the milk carton
yo momma so ugly she went in a haunted house and came out with an application
yo momma so dumb when she was filling out her application it said "Emergency Contact" and she put 911
Here is a photo of my cart from my last visit to Everyday's a Party store. This was a combination bachelorette party/ Harry Potter movie/ jello shots trip.
After word got out about the Man Cake, it wasn't long before I was asked to make another. I decided to try one that was gluten-free, since they now make some great mixes, and one of the guests cannot eat any gluten.
This bed was a silver sateen box-stitched coverlet with purple sheets.
Again with all the pillows!
This bed ended up being big enough for a harem! A big, gluten-free harem.
I don't mind that Paige photo-bombed this shot because while I was getting the cake together, she was working on the cupcakes.
Creamcicle Cupcakes- orange-flavored cupcakes with fluffy vanilla frosting. Decorations were penis-shaped pencil erasers perched on bamboo skewers.
Gluten-free mocha cupcakes, and chocolate shot glasses.
The cupcake wrappers read on the bottom, "A Balanced Diet is a Cupcake in Each Hand".
The penis pencil erasers were found at Everyday's a Party. Great back-to-school item! Health class?
My only problem with the vast selection of penis items at Everyday's a Party is that they do not carry any natural penises. With many grooms owning a natural penis, and all the penis items circumcised, intact grooms may not feel represented.
I had the idea to buy peach fruit-roll-ups and fashion little foreskins for all the penises, but at my store, fruit-roll-ups only come in blue, strawberry and tie-dye. I did not think that foreskins being deprived of oxygen, or perhaps raw ones, or hippie ones were very 'natural'.
While there may be a time and place for psychedelic foreskins, they just didn't seem to fit in with this party theme.
My search for natural penis-shaped items for bachelorette parties reminds me of the time (back in the dark ages of breastfeeding acceptance) when I could only find baby gift wrapping paper with baby bottles all over it.
[I am an avid breastfeeder, and encourage breastfeeding in any woman (or man) who desires to do so. I felt that giving the mom-to-be a gift wrapped in pictures of bottles sent a mixed message.]
So I bought the wrapping paper, wrapped the gift, and opened up my husband's Penthouse magazine. I cut out all the breasts from the pictures, and glued a set over every picture of a bottle on the gift. My gift sat proudly on the table among the teddy bears, storks, and rubber ducks, and since all of those also featured pictures of bottles, it didn't take long for guests to figure out what the glued-on breasts were covering up. It got a lot of laughs, even with the little old ladies. After all, how can the very symbol of nurturing be offensive on a baby gift?
I'll continue my search for natural penis items, in hopes to put them on future cupcakes.
As the intactivists say, "If men were meant to have foreskins, they would have been born with them."
In the meantime, I found this Zatanna doll in Walmart, right next to the Pussy Galore doll.