Friday, September 30, 2011

Falling Water and Baby Dates

3/4 of the kids I took with me enjoy posing next to rocks.

Tailgating in the parking lot

I couldn't decide between these two, so I'm posting both.

"I fart in your general direction!"

Ohiopyle Park

Later that evening, I went out with Stephanie, Amy, and a guy we're all crazy about- Aden.
My date for the evening... What a chick magnet!


Baby-wearing is the new LBD.

"I want to try the sling!"

Trying it on for size.

"Grandma" looks like a sweet gig. But I'm willing to wait.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Your Mother Has Superfluous Adipose Tissue

My kids sit at the kitchen table and tell "yo momma" jokes, even though they have the same mother, and I'm sitting right there! They comb insulting websites for new ones, and always manage to crack me up:

yo momma so fat she rolled off both sides of the bed

yo momma so dumb she tried to put m&m's in alphabetical order

yo momma so fat every time she talks to herself it's a long distance call

yo momma so fat she downloaded cheats for the wii fit

yo momma so fat she left the house in high heels and came back in flip flops

yo momma soooooo fat, she puts mayo on her Tylenol

yo momma so fat the horse on her polo shirt is real

yo momma so fat when she steps on the scale it says "to be continued"

yo momma so fat she sells shade in the summer

yo momma so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on her good side

yo momma so fat when she ran away they used all four sides of the milk carton

yo momma so ugly she went in a haunted house and came out with an application

yo momma so dumb when she was filling out her application it said "Emergency Contact" and she put 911

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Timing is Everything

M to C: How is the Falling Waters planning going?

C: She sent me a list of all the do's and don't's that I've condensed into a couple paragraphs... no backpacks, no large purses, no strollers, no babies in carriers-
Me: ...Morbidly obese people should just stay home-

M to Me: Are you going?

Monday, September 26, 2011

What's On My Phone? part whatever

Chicken nugget "name that country/ continent"?

Cone of shame is adjustable- to punish kids of all sizes!

Each day my dishwasher gets run, but my kitchen still looks like this.

I turn it into this before bed. By noon, it's all undone again.

I found these dishes at the store. I love hand-painted quirky dishes. Year 'round, we eat on the spider plate, the giraffe plate, the Tim Burton plate, the peppermint candy plate, the zombie plate...

I tend to buy only one, though, so it retains its personality. A whole set of anything will get boring.

Wow, those Native American Blessingways are getting a little out of hand.
On a side note, when my daughter was tiny and Pocahontas first came out, she would sing "Savages" as "cabbages"...
"Cabbages, cabbages, barely even human..."

If you have to hook up your new plasma tv to an antenna....
and it's setting on milk crates...
Thank goodness the wall-mount thingie will be arriving soon.

Corkscrew Fail. I swear I'm buying my mother a new corkscrew, really, anything to make it easier for me to drink during family gatherings.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Man Cake the Sequel

Here is a photo of my cart from my last visit to Everyday's a Party store. This was a combination bachelorette party/ Harry Potter movie/ jello shots trip.

After word got out about the Man Cake, it wasn't long before I was asked to make another. I decided to try one that was gluten-free, since they now make some great mixes, and one of the guests cannot eat any gluten.
This bed was a silver sateen box-stitched coverlet with purple sheets.

Again with all the pillows!

This bed ended up being big enough for a harem! A big, gluten-free harem.

I don't mind that Paige photo-bombed this shot because while I was getting the cake together, she was working on the cupcakes.

Creamcicle Cupcakes- orange-flavored cupcakes with fluffy vanilla frosting. Decorations were penis-shaped pencil erasers perched on bamboo skewers.

Gluten-free mocha cupcakes, and chocolate shot glasses.
The cupcake wrappers read on the bottom, "A Balanced Diet is a Cupcake in Each Hand".

The penis pencil erasers were found at Everyday's a Party. Great back-to-school item! Health class?
My only problem with the vast selection of penis items at Everyday's a Party is that they do not carry any natural penises. With many grooms owning a natural penis, and all the penis items circumcised, intact grooms may not feel represented.
I had the idea to buy peach fruit-roll-ups and fashion little foreskins for all the penises, but at my store, fruit-roll-ups only come in blue, strawberry and tie-dye. I did not think that foreskins being deprived of oxygen, or perhaps raw ones, or hippie ones were very 'natural'.
While there may be a time and place for psychedelic foreskins, they just didn't seem to fit in with this party theme.

My search for natural penis-shaped items for bachelorette parties reminds me of the time (back in the dark ages of breastfeeding acceptance) when I could only find baby gift wrapping paper with baby bottles all over it.
[I am an avid breastfeeder, and encourage breastfeeding in any woman (or man) who desires to do so. I felt that giving the mom-to-be a gift wrapped in pictures of bottles sent a mixed message.]
So I bought the wrapping paper, wrapped the gift, and opened up my husband's Penthouse magazine. I cut out all the breasts from the pictures, and glued a set over every picture of a bottle on the gift. My gift sat proudly on the table among the teddy bears, storks, and rubber ducks, and since all of those also featured pictures of bottles, it didn't take long for guests to figure out what the glued-on breasts were covering up. It got a lot of laughs, even with the little old ladies. After all, how can the very symbol of nurturing be offensive on a baby gift?

I'll continue my search for natural penis items, in hopes to put them on future cupcakes.
As the intactivists say, "If men were meant to have foreskins, they would have been born with them."

In the meantime, I found this Zatanna doll in Walmart, right next to the Pussy Galore doll.
Any cake ideas?