Monday, March 24, 2014

Nailed It!

It started with vanilla creme-filled cupcakes with rootbeer flavored icing. Rootbeer Float cupcakes! It sounded like a good idea. 
Okay, it sounded like an unusual idea. I made them. They looked great.

I tried one. They were horrible. Way too sweet and rootbeery. 
I switched gears. Spice cake cupcakes, with vanilla creme filling, and cream cheese frosting. I even got out my cute cupcake wrappers by Paula Deen that say "A Balanced Diet is One Cupcake in Each Hand".
If one followed the recipe, they were supposed to look like this:
Three Easy Steps to "Yum!"
Halfway into the baking time, everything went South (I blame the Paula Deen cupcake wrappers).
May Day!! May Day!!

All the smoke alarms were all going off (if one goes off, they all go off, because they are hardwired that way) and "someone" *coughMrHofercough* thought he was helping me save on heating this winter by closing the storm window in the kitchen and I'm too short to raise it til it clicks, so it slammed back down on my finger and I had to go get the step stool to *open a fucking window*, and the alarms are still going off and the dogs are barking, and all the filling leaked out onto the oven floor and was just burning like crazy, and it also leaked down between the paper and the pan and burnt on there, so I couldn't even get them out of the pan!!!
Nailed it!
I was so mad! This pan is part of a cupcake transportation system; a special lid locks onto it that allows one to carry the cupcakes safely to their destination. How can I show up with these?! 
"Fuck you, Paula Deen! Fuck you!" (I know this is not Paula Deen's fault. I didn't say it was her fault; I said I was going to blame her.)
After cooling for a minute (me and the cupcakes), I discovered that shit peeled right off.
And it was delicious!
I decided to try again. I pried these cupcakes out the pan, and grabbed more cupcake wrappers. Actual Wilton wrappers, this time. I'm done fooling around!

You can tell shit just got real- I'm wearing my old, stained "I childproofed my house, but they still get in" apron.

I am a domestic goddess- I can do this. They are only cupcakes. Cupcakes cannot break me. My son will turn 13 today and by god, there will be cupcakes!

These are from an old family recipe- "Spice Cake with Seagull Poop Exploding Forth".
I can't. I need to be there in an hour and I haven't the faintest clue what to do, here. Frost them with cream cheese frosting, act like everything is normal, and then laugh hysterically when people try to eat them?
People will simply have a choice between Astoundingly Foul Rootbeer Cupcakes, Mangled Spice Cake Cupcakes, and Exploding Bird-Poo Cupcakes.

Nailed It!

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Is There a Vaccine Against Fear Mongering?

This "article" is being passed around Facebook. This is not journalism. This is name-calling and fear-mongering. 
The measles vaccine has been in use for 50 years. I found this in the Journal of Infectious Diseases : 
"In the United States, mortality from measles decreased from 25 per 1000 reported cases in 1912 to 1 per 1000 reported cases in 1962. In New York State, measles mortality decreased by >15-fold long before the introduction of measles vaccination."
..."During the past 13 years in the United States, the case-fatality rate has averaged 3 per 1000 reported measles cases. This increase is most likely due to more complete reporting of measles as a cause of death, HIV infections, and a *higher proportion of cases among adults*. [emphasis mine]  Annual US measles deaths have declined from 408 in 1962 to 0 from 1993-present."
The fact is, even with the boosters, the vaccines wear off in adulthood. I am living proof of this. This leaves adults at risk for a very serious illness that would have been mild, if contracted as a child. Re-vaccinating these adults does not work- they often will not "cross-over". 
By vaccinating children against what are usually mild diseases when contracted as children, we are setting the adult population up for a world of hurt 25 years down the road. The kids that were intentionally not vaccinated in this "outbreak" will have lifelong immunity.

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

My Charming Birthday Present

Months ago I had a dream about Lucky Charms. I dreamt that I'd bought a box and was eagerly anticipating enjoying a bowl of them for breakfast. In my dream, I was worried that they wouldn't be there, and that my kids had gotten to them first. When I opened the pantry, the box was still there. Still cautious in my dream, I was afraid that it would be empty. I picked up the box. Still full! My lucky day!!
I got out a bowl and spoon and the lactose-free milk, and opened the box.
It was full of Grape Nuts.
I was confused, and trying not to cry.
"But you like Grape Nuts," one of my kids said.
"I know. And I do. But I really wanted Lucky Charms. My heart was set on Lucky Charms." I whined.
"It's ok... We'll put mini marshmallows in them." she suggested.
"It's not the same." I said, resigned to a bowl of gravel.
"No, no... really! We'll call them... Lucky Nuts!"
"Lucky Nuts. Lucky Nuts? LUCKY NUTS?!" (Needless to say, I was less than thrilled by this solution.)

When I woke up, we had neither Lucky Charms nor Grape Nuts for breakfast. I told my daughter about my dream and we had a good laugh. I pretty much forgot about it after that.

For my birthday, my daughter remembered me and bought me the Lucky Charms I'd been craving so long ago. A small gift that meant a lot.
When I opened them, that's where it got hilarious.
She had filled the box from the bottom!
She'd given me a dream come true- a box of Lucky Nuts!

(She also gave me a Grape Nuts box *packed* with Lucky Charms.)

Bonus Pic: The card Tessa made me!