Monday, June 20, 2011

Musical Response to Ron's Sarcasm

Ron found a yogurt container on the floor and when he picked it up, he found it was stuck to the carpet. "Yogurt containers stuck to the carpet. One of my favorite things!" he grumbled.
I immediately burst into song.
Making up the rest was easy.

Yogurt containers
Stuck to the carpet

Destroyed leather sofas
The color of muppets

Jars of jelly and honey,
Their lids always missing

These are a few of my favorite things!

Whiskers in sinks
Curing in toothpaste

Oy "indiscretions"
My rug will need replaced

I'm always running
Wish my van could sprout wings

These are a few of my favorite things!

Burned microwave popcorn
And pots boiling over

Magical 'potions'
Grilled cheese in the toaster

Wet towels on the bed
Blue bathtub rings

These are a few of my favorite things!

When the milk spills,
When the van dies,
When he wears camo with plaid

I simply go over my "to do" list of things
And I never have time to get mad.

Soda on laptops
My book goes unwritten

Nail polish on tables
My nails, they are bitten

I can't find the duct tape
You'll have to use string

These are a few of my favorite things!

My Little Ponies
GI Joes and Clay Sweeties

Dress-up and costumes
And crayon graffiti

ipods and hot rods
Ear gauges and nose rings

These are a few of my favorite things!

Six cats and pet rats
And feeding the raccoons

You still owe me tow money
And you got a new tattoo

PMS times five
Tampons? Pads with wings?

These are a few of my favorite things!

Fights over clothes,
computers and boys

That screamo shit music
Is nothing but noise.

Teens years upon us,
Gnawing on my apron strings

These are a few of my favorite things.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Save Me, San Francisco (final chapter)

Alcatraz and beyond.

Corner Hotel Room

View from one of the windows

Fountain (seen in the view above). I love how they have to post that adults with diarrhea shouldn't play in the fountain.

Going to Alcatraz...

We running this, let's go... I'm on a boat, I'm on a boat, everybody look at me 'cause I'm sailing on a boat...

Alcatraz was a neglected rock, a nesting site for birds, a fort, a prison, a tourist trap, and it is finally being allowed to go back to the birds, with careful landscaping and tourists around the edges.

Greenhouse, plantings

Seagull with chicks

This was the Officer's Club.

This was in the military fort days.

Inside, these were the showers for inmates.

And they paraded you right down Main Street naked, where clothes awaited you on your bunk, in your cell.

Standard 5 x 9 cell, with sink, toilet, and bed.

Solitary confinement. I'm standing in the back corner of the cell. When the outer door swings shut, the inmate is in complete darkness.
I'm sure it was tempting for Ron, but the outer doors were firmly secured in the 'open' position.

View of Angel Island. I believe they made it. I have to believe it.

View of San Francisco. It was a constant reminder to the inmates everything they'd given up by being criminals.

It was actually quite beautiful. The people who worked at the prison were often married with children. They lived in family housing on the island. The women had potluck suppers and quilting bees and cookbook fund raisers and flower gardens, and took boats into town throughout the day. The kids rode boats to school, unless the water was too rough. Rough water? No school!

Heading back to the mainland, Alcatraz and the bridge.

Fun you can have on a Cable Car!

Ron chose #4

Looks like clouds, but it's the fog rolling in.

Every fog storm has a silver lining. We were trying to outrun it, though, since we'd both read The Mist.

We beat the fog and made it to the hotel!

Finally, someone understands my "pillow nesting pod" obsession!

Pool was gorgeous, but I'm not traveling with a wet swimsuit.

We found a great mexican place where our waiter made the guac to order, right at the table!
I also ordered some mixed drink that was really pretty, and took away my knees after the second or third one. I packed leftover guac in an origami paper food diaper (not recommended). Ron said something funny and I ended up singing "Macho Man" all the way back to the hotel.

Early in the morning, which was just a couple hours later, we hit the ground limping running, and were jostling for space at the airport. We flew the first leg (San Francisco to Chicago) on the same plane, but not together. I was way in the back in an 'E' seat, between two women who did not have personal space issues and sat indian-style like I do. Ron was... up front somewhere.
The second leg (Chicago to Pittsburgh), we were on different planes. My plane was small, and was "the little airplane that could", through some pretty rough storms. The turbulence was the worst I'd experienced, and the flight attendants had to stop serving beverages and buckle in.
When I finally touched the ground, it was nearly midnight, and I was exhausted from the adrenaline I'd been living on.

Me, on terra firma.

With Ron's guidance, I made it through the airport alone, and he was waiting to pick me up at the curb. An hour and a half later, we were home.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Save Me, San Francisco (part five)

The drive up to Glacier Point was beautiful.
I was shocked when I saw a lighted sign (the kind we hijack to read 'Zombies Ahead') that read, "Road May Be Icy".
Haha, yeah, right.

Just... wow.

Snow?! SNOW? In June?!
I was in disbelief. I thought I was done with snow for a long, long time.

"What keeps the cars from just going off the cliff?"
"Uhhh... common sense?"

Not good enough! It gets foggy, and icy here; I want guard rails.

View from Glacier Point

"What's holding up this visitor platform?"
"Sheer will of the rocks."
"If there's an earth quake?"
"Try not to think about that."

On the left, one of the rocks holding me high up in the air.

It's like a whole other country. One that produces rickety cd racks and odd-tasting meatballs.

Then it was down out of the snow, and on to the sequoias of Mariposa Grove. I'd heard of these giant trees that lived 2,000 years. I'd seen pictures. I'd listened to presentations about President Lincoln taking time out from his busy schedule of fighting wars and freeing slaves to protect these forests. I couldn't wait to see them for myself.
On the walk up, I felt really sleepy. Not tired from hiking, but just a sudden need for a nap. The muddy path looked cool and inviting. I was positive I'd be able to comfortably drape myself over the sharp boulders that jutted out of the ground. I didn't want to stop and rest a bit; I wanted to sleep for three days.
I've had sea sickness, and morning sickness, and home sickness, and heart sickness, but this was my first experience with altitude sickness. All in all, sea sickness is the worst.

Ron at the base of Grizzly Giant.

Yeah... Really?

Ron next to the biggest charcoal briquette I've ever seen.

I'm going to say right now that I didn't get it. President Lincoln signed a grant to protect this land, in all its "beauty", and they are blasting the tops of WV's mountains left and right?!
The Grizzly Giant has on no clothes. I'm not saying that we should clear it all and build condos. If people want it protected, it should be protected. However, to my untrained eye, it looks like ass.
Back home, there are mountain landscapes of hardwood forests that are being destroyed. Up to 500 mountains, so far, and counting. They dump the tops of the mountains into the valleys, streams, and rivers, polluting the water, to make big rolling fields of rocks and weeds- perfect for building strip malls and Wal-marts.
These mountains were a hundred times more beautiful than any land I saw in Mariposa Grove.
Where is the protection?!

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Save Me, San Francisco (part four)

We drove to Yosemite, past tan furry hills and reservoirs, and cows. Herds of deer so big you can't count them with your eyes. I wondered if that's what WV would look like if someone suddenly picked up all the trees.

Yosemite... gorgeous, yes. It was also raining, and cold, and my poncho hood wouldn't stay on my head. It hung off the back of my shoulders, choking me and, I was unaware, filling up with rain water. When my hair was dripping water down my face, I finally got frustrated and pulled my hood up. This dumped 2 quarts of icy cold rain water down the back of my shirt collar.
"Where does this get fun?!" I sighed, and could see my breath in front of me.
I was cold, miserable, and all the waterfalls made me really have to pee.
It was too foggy to see the tops of the mountains. It was just rain and woods.
At home, we stay inside when that happens.

The deer here are tiny. Much smaller than the white-tail at home, almost souvenir size. Look at those eyes!

The rain and cold wilted me. I went from this...

to this.

Then something amazing happened. We went to our hotel room! By the time we pulled up, it was 40 degrees. No internet, no cell phone reception, and on the outside it didn't look so special, but it would get me out of the rain, so I was happy.
Inside the room, there was
a king size bed,
two club chairs,
a kitchen, a fireplace.
The bathroom had a large jetted tub with two showers, on opposite ends of the tub. While all of this was fantastic, the money shot was out the back door to the room.


We were starving, and went next door and ordered a gourmet pizza, then sat at the bar at the restaurant while it was baking. Ron had a long island iced tea, and I had their specialty drink, The Utopia. Utopia is another word for "gets you intoxicated if drank on an empty stomach". The young guy next to us was on his second beer, and had ordered two shots of whiskey. He was drinking alone. I wanted to find out his story, but our pizza was ready and we had to go.
Back at the room, we flipped through all like, five channels, and ended up watching Frasier. The episode was To Kill a Talking Bird, it's the one where Niles gets a bird stuck on his head. And while laughing my ass off, I realized that Niles is the original Sheldon (Big Bang Theory).
The next morning, I got up and sat on our private porch/deck/balcony and ate pizza.
A squirrel came up and licked the pizza I offered, but turned it down. If he was anything like myself, he was holding out for chocolate.

The sun was shining, and there was talk of it getting up to 50 degrees! We were off, to Glacier Point and Mariposa Grove.