Oklahoma!

I went to see this play the other night. Several friends were in the audience with me, and it promised to be a fun night.

We chose what appeared to be good seats, but my view was this:

No, it's not two pictures. There was an I-beam directly in front of my face!

Lots of people have not seen Oklahoma! and ask me what it's about.

I was not permitted to take photographs once the play started, so I will do my best to explain the story without the help of stills from the actual play.

The story opens with Cowboy Curly singing as he walks through the cornfields. He has dark hair and a 5 o'clock shadow. In fact, he looks an awful lot like Jack Twist.

So, Curly's walking through the cornfield singing in a non-gay-cowboy way, and stops at the house of Aunt Eller. (Everyone calls her Aunt Eller, so either that's her given name, or the whole damn territory is inbred. Or both. ) Aunt Eller tells Jack, er, Curly that if she was younger, she'd marry him just to hear him sing. It's a line right out of The Graduate, but you'll soon learn that in this play, it's a game of musical chairs when it comes to relationships.

Laurey, who resembles a young Ashley Judd, plays hard-to-get whenever Curly's around, even though her only other prospect is farm hand Jud, who I thought looked a lot like John Pinette.

Not that there's anything wrong with choosing a fat guy (especially one that can run a whole farm single-handedly) but Jud is made out to be a total creeper. Laurey tells Aunt Eller that Jud gives her the willies. She avoids Jud at all costs, even staying locked in her room on gorgeous days, if she thinks Jud is near.

Yeah.... sounds like a winner.

Curly tries to get Laurey to go to the party with him, because in his head, he was just on Pimp My Ride.

The lyrics to Surrey with the Fringe on Top would make a kick ass rap song.

Yo, bring the beat back!

When I take you out, tonight, with me,
Honey, here's the way it's goin' to be:
You will set behind a team of snow white horses,
In the slickest gig you ever see!

Chicks and ducks and geese better scurry
When I take you out in the surrey,
When I take you out in the surrey with the fringe on top!
Watch that fringe and see how it flutters
When I drive them high steppin' strutters.
Nosey pokes'll peek thru' their shutters and their eyes will pop!
The wheels are yeller, the upholstery's brown,
The dashboard's genuine leather,
With isinglass curtains y' can roll right down,
In case there's a change in the weather.
Two bright sidelight's winkin' and blinkin',
Ain't no finer rig I'm a-thinkin'
You c'n keep your rig if you're thinkin' 'at I'd keer to swap
Fer that shiny, little surrey with the fringe on the top!

It's a lot like the Greased Lightning scene in Grease, where at the end, the sweet car was all a daydream.

Alas, there will be no backseat make-out session in the imaginary surrey, because out of spite, or sheer stupidity, Laurey asks Creeper Jud to take her to the party. Jud retaliates by asking Aunt Eller.

Right after that, Curly's cowboy friend Will shows up.

Yup. He looked like Ennis. Will starts bragging that he won a roping contest, and while visiting bright and modern Kansas City, went to a strip club.

But he plans to use his $50 prize money to buy his girlfriend, Ado Annie, from her father.

Ado Annie had other plans. She has started hooking up with a peddler, Ali Hakim... a Persian that did not look like this:

Still, Ado Annie is 1906's version of Cyndi Lauper- the girl just wants to have fun.

In I Can't Say No she sings:

Kissin's my favorite food
With or without the mistletoe
I'm in a holiday mood.
Other girls are coy and hard to catch
But other girls ain't havin any fun
Every time I lose a wrestling match
I have a funny feeling that I won

So that he might be the one to give Laurey a ride to the party, Curly goes to Jud's room in the smoke house and tries to talk Jud into killing himself.

Laurey is later seen huffing "smelling salts" she bought off the peddler. I always thought smelling salts woke you up, but there must have been a mix-up and it was actually chloroform, because she falls instantly asleep, and has one wacked-out dream.

The "smelling salts" were supposed to help her decide who to go to the party with, as if she can't figure out on her own that she shouldn't get in the car of a guy who so obviously creeps her out.

I doubt the use of mind-expanding inhalants will help her this time.

Also, possibly the worst time to incapacitate yourself in a cornfield is when you know there is a creepy predator wandering about the farm.

Later, at the party, the men are bidding on boxed lunches made by the women, to raise money for the school- hey! The First Bake Sale!

As the bidding gets out of control, the audience quickly realizes the men with the highest bids do not just get the basket of food- the women are being auctioned off, as well!

The women apparently have little say in the matter, and so Laurey can only stand by as Jud plops down his life savings, and Curly sells off his saddle, his horse, and his gun to win Laurey's "goodies".

Next, Jud finds Laurey alone in the cornfield and tries to touch her. Laurey breaks free of the embrace and runs about three yards before falling down in a heap, crying. Jud threatens her, Laurey fires him.

Laurey and Curly decide to get married, since there's no one to work the farm.

Jud shows up on their wedding night and is killed in a knife fight.

Curly gets off on a plea of self-defense.

It should be noted that the judge in Curly's trial is the same man who sold his daughter for $50.

Just sayin'.

The whole town sings, and Curly and Laurey ride in a surrey with fringe. It's a lot like the closing scene in Grease, but the surrey doesn't fly.