Return to Me

"In spite of the seven thousand books of expert advice, the right way to disciplne a child is still a mystery to most fathers and mothers. Only your grandmother and Genghis Khan know how to do it."

"No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal."

— Bill Cosby

I was once trapped in a relationship that I described to a close friend as the most unhealthy relationship I'd ever been in. I had in my life a person with the worst entitlement attitude I'd ever seen first-hand, taking my things on a regular basis, rarely returning them, and making me ask for them to be returned to me.

This person had known me a long time and knew my sore spots. They ran me down in front of their friends. They ran me down in front of my friends. They said things like, "I don't see why your friends listen to any of your ideas- they're all stupid."

If I tried to do something nice for this person, they made it a point to tell me how I'd done it all wrong.

If I asked them for guidance, I was told, "If you love me as much as you say you do, you'd just know!", and if I did nothing, it was held up as "proof" that I didn't really care about them.

The only time this person was ever nice to me was when they wanted something. And as soon as they got it, they went back to being mean, insensitive, rude, and disrespectful.

I was excluded from this person's life at every possibility. They even tried to un-invite me to a party they were throwing in my house!

Ordinarily, a person treating me like that would be hauled to the curb. Certainly none of my girlfriends would advise me to stay with such a person. But as I've mentioned, I was trapped, because the other person was a 14 yr old girl.

She hid her life from me in every way, and would then shriek, "You don't know! You don't know anything about me! You have no clue what's going on in my life, and what it's like to be me!"

Gee, ya think? Why don't you try pushing your hair back out of your face and having a conversation with me that does not use the words "ride" "friends" "movie" "mall" or "money"?

A mother of grown daughters took one look at my eldest and told me "Ah, the demons have taken her, I see."

I asked her to explain. She went on to tell me that at age 13, the demons take your daughters, and then after age 17, they bring them back.

It made perfect sense.

I used to wonder how some parents could send their kids to boarding school. Now that I have teens, boarding schools look pretty damn nice.

I don't even want a good one.

Hell, I want to send them to the one where they have to dig a hole!

I cannot afford boarding schools, not even after I googled "cheapest boarding schools".

But true to their word, the demons brought my eldest back by her 18th birthday. And today she is a joy to be around.

In a few weeks, I'll have a 15 year old, a 14 year old, and a 12 year old. The demons already have the 15 year old in their grip, and are stalking the 14 year old.

What I've learned is that their behaviors are, well, maybe not acceptable, but at least normal enough, common enough, for books like this to be written.

Eldest daughter texted me a few days ago positively furious after discovering her sister had taken her warm winter boots without asking.

She wanted her sister severely punished.

I reminded her that not so long ago she was the one in the demons' grip who drove us all crazy, and with patience on our part, it turned out ok.

With demon residue still drying on her dewy skin, she responded, "Yeah, well that's your choice. I'm just going to punch her. I bet the demons will bring her back a lot faster if I bust in her face."