What's It Like?

When we were eleven, we learned about menstruation, and we all looked around and wondered who would get theirs first. The first in our group was Sharon, an impossibly shy pre-teen. She got it over the weekend, and even without the internet, the word spread like crazy. We all surrounded her Monday morning and asked, "What's it like? Does it hurt? Do you feel any different?"

Fast-forward a few years and everyone is thinking about sex. How far to go? What do all the bases mean? How far do the other girls go? What will it be like?

When the first in our group went 'all the way', we hosted a slumber party the next night so we could ask all of our questions. "What's it like? Does it hurt? Do you feel any different?"

A few years later, one by one, we got married.

(Living with someone and being married to them are two different things. When you just live together and he doesn't come home for dinner three nights in a row, you need only to sort your cd's from his, and pack your suitcase.

When you are married, you need to find a lawyer, get a trial of separation, go to couples therapy, file for divorce...)

Before long, the first baby was born.

Once again, we all crowded around the bed and asked "What's it like?"

Breastfeeding... "What's it like?"

Returning to work.... "What's it like?"

Single parenting... "What's it like?"

Blended families... "What's it like?"

Getting a mammogram... "What's it like?"

Finding a lump... getting through chemo... "What's it like?"

Menopause... hot flashes, mood swings... Manopause... mood swings, convertibles... "What's it like?"

Empty nesting... finally! ... "What's it like?"

Caring for aging parents... "What's it like?"

So it goes... as we've passed into the stages of grown-up-hood... the first one to find themselves going through the next stage is the one we all look to, to tell us what to expect, and how these changes might affect us.

When the first one lost her husband after an illness, it seemed insensitive to gather 'round and ask, "What's it like? Does it hurt? Do you feel any different?"

We often love so much, so deeply, in a marriage, that we sometimes refuse to believe that one day, one of us will have to walk alone.

Another friend recently lost her spouse, and I'm extremely curious about it. I want to sit down with her over coffee and ask, "What's it like?"

I want to know what it means for the other side of the bed to be suddenly empty. I want to know if some days it's just enough to breathe in and out. I want someone to explain to me what it feels like to walk alone without the person who, it seems, has always been there.

Do you come across an old photo and shout, "Hey, come look at this!" a mere second before you realize they are not just in the next room reading?

Do you still buy their favorite foods at the grocery store, and then get home and wonder who will eat them?

What's the hardest thing about widowhood? What has been most surprising? Is there an upside?

Since humor springs from adversity, what parts of widowhood are funny?

What's it like?