IT'S A SIGN- Updated

... That I wasn't meant to be a hacker.
We've all seen these funny hacked signs in the news...










Now, I never claimed to be Trinity, the Trinity, who cracked the IRS d-base. But after seeing this article at ihacked.com, I felt fairly certain that I could pull this off.
Yes, I understand that tampering with these signs is a misdemeanor. I am just grown-up enough to research the punishments. For example, if you’re caught tampering with road signs in Indiana, it could cost you $5,000 and up to a year in jail. In Texas, it will run you $500. You're in luck if you live in Illinois, where you’re charged only $250 for the prank.
But this is only if you're caught. And I had no intention of getting caught.


A Few Good Men
What I needed was a partner in crime. I needed a "white and nerdy" type, who would understand how to do this, and would be able to lie convincingly to get out of trouble if we were caught. My first choice was Ron, but he thought that as a government employee, it would look bad to be caught tampering with state property.
My next choice was Sadie and Joey. Being under 18, if they got busted, I could act like I had just caught them, myself, and begin loudly berating them in public.

"There you two are! What the hell do you think you're doing?! Get your asses in the car- I'll deal with you when we get home!"

Joey was completely on board, but Sadie wasn't interested in committing crime with her mother, so I was forced to keep looking.
There was another teen coming home for Spring Break, and he is by far the whitest, nerdiest guy I know. This kid is so wicked smart that he could probably reset the signs with his mind. But this kid is also all about being good and proper, and I knew he probably wouldn't help me out, so I didn't bother asking. He's now back at Olin, realizing his potential.
I still had a few other options. There is a trio of teens in the group (two guys and a girl) who are always up for some fun, and it doesn't always have to be legal. I sent the link to them and asked if they were up for the prank. Only the girl responded, so I had myself 1/3 of a posse. And since the girl's mother can definitely kick my ass, we would have to be very careful to not get caught. The other problem is that this girl lives forty minutes from me. She's in, but I needed someone closer, to do the first one.
There was one other option. I know a kid who's really smart, and his mother is a gadget freak. Since we weren't spray-painting the side of a building, or knocking off a Dairy Mart, she probably wouldn't get too angry to learn he was out hacking road signs. When I asked him, the Kid practically jizzed in his pants at the chance to commit victim-less crime.

Spies Like Us
The Kid picked the sign, and we checked it out, to see if it was locked. It wasn't locked. We planned a night to hack it (he had pesky things like homework and chores to tend to). We also had a big decision to make- what would the new sign say? I wanted something upbeat, such as "MARRY ME, KATE!" that was sure to get everyone's attention, and may even get in the paper, but wouldn't make people angry. Well, not counting all the "Kates" in town. The Kid wanted a more personal message, something asking a girl that he liked out on a date. Finally, we decided we'd change it briefly to his message, take a photo of the sign and email it to his girl, and then change it to the message I wanted:

"THIS IS THE SIGN YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR."

With that decided, we dressed all in black, packed flashlights, and headed out into the moonless night. With the theme to Mission Impossible playing in the background, we cracked opened the control panel for the sign. At this point, we were excited that the panel itself was lighted, making our flashlights unnecessary. There were even step-by-step directions on the inside of the case explaining how to change the message.

All we had to do was type in the User Name and Password. Passwords, we had. But we weren't prepared to give a User Name. We tried typing the password as the User Name, we tried other words and names, but we were hopelessly locked out.
Finally, my partner in crime got the brilliant idea to turn it off, and back on again, hoping to "reset" it. The message that came on-screen was

"Could not process the data due to a problem on the remote server. Assistance will arrive shortly."

That was our clue to leave.
We got in the van and were no sooner back on the road when not one, but two police cars, lights flashing, sirens screaming, drove past us going the opposite direction. Obviously they were not after us, but it was funny as hell. We drove around trying to find another one, but could not. In the end, I took my partner in crime home, and went to the store for conditioner and cat food.
When I got home, I took a moment before getting out of the van to text my partner in crime a quick 'thank you' for a trying to help me. That's when the floor of the van began vibrating. I turned on the dome light, and looked down.
Sure enough, my partner in crime had left his phone in my van.
Thankful he didn't leave it at the scene of the victim-less crime, I brought it inside with me. There was an alarm set on it that went off at some ungodly hour this morning, proving once again, Crime Doesn't Pay.

Update/ Follow-up
I received information privately that might help with the sign. My partner in crime arrived at the house to collect his phone, and while here hacked into my facebook page and impugned my character in my very own status. It was bad enough last night when he told me,

"You're fat, but you don't act fat, so it's okay."

I let it slide because I am still trying to figure out what "acting fat" is.
Does a person go around sitting on other people and squishing them?
Do they eat everything? Do they break furniture when they sit on it?
Uncertain.
I gave him his phone and a ride home. Along the way, I fed him, as is my custom before killing them.
Sadie and I did a little shopping at Gamestop, and then went to McDonald's to harass the awkward teens that work there. I tried to order fries with the salt on the side, but the nice young man who took my order said he would throw them at me if I ordered that, so I ordered an apple pie and a milkshake.
This delightful teen clocked-out while I was still there, so we brought him along on our adventure. Even with the new information, I couldn't make it work.
Sadie said,

"C'mon. I can't be out too late; I have homework to do, and I'd like to get to bed early."

What teen would ever say this?
So we sent the awkward teen on his way, and Sadie drove us home.
It was a fun night of epic fail.