How to Tell if Your Children May be Zombies

Yesterday was a day of missed targets, to be sure!
My mother had asked if I could bring a couple of the older kids over to help dust and clean, which was fine, since Paige was having her friend Tiffany stay over.
We were out of food, so I needed to write up a menu and grocery list, and go to the store.
And we had a party to attend that afternoon in Mannington. As my contribution, I made a large jello brain, and let it set up while I worked on my grocery list.
It looked like everything was going to fit together like a big puzzle.

When I typed up the menu/ list, I realized we were (still) out of printer paper. Harrison has a habit of drawing on every loose piece of paper in the house, so it was difficult even finding a piece of scrap paper with the back side blank. I finally found one, and put it in the printer, where it promptly spit out a photo of some strange marsupial from across the globe- the test page, on the printer.

(Before you comment and tell me I can turn that off in 'settings', please let me explain how months ago my husband told me that as well, and I was unable to do so, and then he told me I was stupid and sat down at the computer himself. Two hours, and many, many photos of marsupials later, he was also unable to turn that off. But I suppose we do have an explanation for where all our paper went.)

Obviously, someone had opened the printer, or the power had flickered, and it felt the need for a marsupial picture. I was ranting about the lack of paper in the house-

(Before you comment and tell me I can purchase printer paper in hundreds of stores in Morgantown, please let me explain how I said aloud over a week ago that I was going to Walmart to purchase printer paper, and my husband told me that he would buy it, when he went to Big Lots, and I said I didn't mind picking it up, since I was going to be at Walmart anyway, and he repeated that he would buy it at Big Lots, which he never did, so I went to and from Walmart 80 times last week and never bought any paper, myself.
If you want printer paper purchased right...)

- and I was late for getting the girls over to my mother's to clean, so I actually used a piece of paper with important stuff on the front, determined to print the list, and the damn thing wouldn't go through, and kept giving me an error message! I finally left without my list and dropped the girls off at my mom's and went to the store while they cleaned. I had not bought birthday presents for the two kids whose party we were attending, so while I was at the store, I grabbed two large plastic bowls, and two small boxes of microwave popcorn, and all the 'movie candy' was on sale 10 for $10, so I bought Good n Plenty, and Nerds, and Lemonheads, etc, and made "Movie Night Baskets" for the kids for their birthdays.

I also forgot to buy a lot of food we needed because I did not have my list.
After the store, I raced back to my mother's, where I had to practically drag the girls away from the high-speed internet so we could get the food home.

We arrived at the house, hauled the groceries in, but Ron was not showered and ready. He had decided to stay home. The party had started two hours earlier, so I quickly changed, packed up the jello brain, assembled the Movie Night Baskets, and got all the kids out the door for a party that was basically over by the time we arrived. I gave the birthday kids their gifts, and it was noted that "the woman who doesn't even allow her kids to have soda bought candy as birthday gifts".
(Of course I did... You see, they were out of cocaine.)

After the party, we decided to go out to Maggie's, in the opposite direction of home. Halfway there, I realized I'd left my container with the jello brain at the party.
"No, you didn't! We never took it in!" the kids said.
Well, I supposed that was handy, because now we had something to take to Maggie's. When we got to Maggie's, the kids brought in the bag that had the jello brain and an ice pack. Maggie and I noticed the bag had been torn open, the lid was crooked, and there was jello all down the side of the container. Looking into the container, a lot of the brain was missing!

"Well, that's why they didn't take it in to the party," Maggie observed "They were eating it on the way."
"Who ate the brain in the car?!" I demanded.
"Tessa! And I, did." Harrison said, stuffing his hands down in his pockets.

The kids got out their musical instruments and put on a 2am concert for us. After wincing and flinching through several songs, I have to say it was only their enthusiasm that enabled me to 'attend' the entire performance. At what I thought was the end, Tiffany said, "And now we're going to do a song that's actually good!"

We were back home by 3:40am, and by then the sleepy girls in the car were now the giggling girls in the room next to mine.

This morning, when I saw Ron, I told him what the kids had done to the jello.
He said (wait for it...),

"I bet you had half a mind to punish them."