What Kind of a Mother Would...

My friend Joe told me yesterday that he overheard a woman in Lowe's threaten her children with,

"If you two don't behave, I'm going to give you away to strangers who will feed you nothing but dogfood!"

Joe, himself a father of one grown son, thought that was a terrible thing to say to one's children.
I thought it was pretty funny, and I'm sure if I threatened my children with the same thing, they'd call my bluff. Dogfood has to be better than whole-wheat pasta, right?

Another story takes place at my house. Angie brought her kids and visiting father to my house for our book club. Her toddler was asleep in the van, and her father had planned to nap in the van, as well, after he used the bathroom. It turned out that he enjoyed sitting out on the deck, and so that's where he stayed. All the kids were running in and out, shouting and having a great time. As I gave Angie the tour of the house, and back yard, she scanned the children crouched at the edge of the pond she asked, "Where's the baby?". A look of horror crossed her face and she spun around and raced back to her van. Both side doors were open, and the baby was still asleep in his seat. He was fine. But it easily could have been every parent's worst nightmare.

I've said for ten years that when I write my parenting book it will be titled, "Where's Tess?", because from infancy on, she was notorious for getting left behind on family outings.

I think every mother starts out self-righteous. We read stories in the paper, or hear tales at the park, and more often than not, one of the women, with a judgmental tone in her voice, will say "What kind of mother would..."
This is because they are so completely consumed with thoughts of their child that even in their chronic state of sleep-deprivation they cannot imagine being so careless, rude, or forgetful.

After a couple years, the child will get lost at the store while the mother is reading labels, or will wander down the street one summer afternoon wearing nothing but a Barney snowboot.
That mother will grapple with reality: either she is a terrible mother, just like those other terrible mothers she heard about.... or she is a good mother who turned her back for one brief moment and chaos happened, and those other mothers were also good mothers dealing with the chaos that comes with parenting.

And with any luck, she will laugh, be thankful everyone is okay, and will lose the self-righteous attitude.